Today I’m sharing something from my book, The Ringmaster’s Tale, which is full of funny, sad, poignant and thought-provoking stories as well as lots of great advice about finding the positives when you’re living with autism.
This is a light-hearted look at some of the social situations autistic people can struggle with. I’m sure lots of people on the spectrum will recognise them – we certainly do them all in our house!
Top Ten Social Tips for People with Autism
- Never, under any circumstances barring an absolute emergency, speak to anyone on the phone.
- Always use the ‘Self Service’ check out at the supermarket to avoid unnecessary human interaction.
- If a person has repeated themselves three times and you still haven’t understood them, just nod, give a small laugh and hope to God it wasn’t a question.
- Make sure everyone understands that even though you won’t actually attend them, you’d still appreciate being invited to parties.
- Resign yourself to the fact that if something amusing occurs to you while you’re alone in a public place, you will have no option but to laugh hysterically for no discernible reason, making you appear to be clinically insane.
- Should the doorbell ring unexpectedly when you’re alone in the house, remain perfectly quiet and still until whoever’s there has left.
- Spend at least 99% of your time planning witty conversations in your head and the remaining 1% forgetting everything you’d planned to say when the chance to use them arises.
- When someone you know approaches you in the street, pretend you’re sending a text and haven’t noticed them, then walk quickly in the opposite direction.
- Be continually prepared to have your day ruined by a random passing thought about something embarrassing you said or did several years ago.
- Should you ever find yourself at a social gathering, always do your best to locate an animal of some sort and spend the evening petting it to avoid making small talk with other humans.